Captain's Thoughts
by chellziez
Summary: Mal's thoughts during Inara's wave in the movie Serenity.


"_Mal!"_

Mal groans as he hears Wash's voice penetrate through the fogginess of blissful sleep.

_Go bother someone else. I'm trying to get more than 4 hours of sleep here._

_You're the captain, Mal. There _is_ no one else._

"_Mal!"_

He wakes up with a start. "What?"

Wash's voice comes through over the ship radio, "Mal! You up?"

As Mal groggily gets up from bed, Wash continues, "I got a wave. I'm gonna bounce it down to you."

_What can be so gorram important that Wash has to wake me up for?_

_Something _captainy_, obviously._

Mal turns on the screen, not sure who to expect.

Nothing in the 'verse can prepare him for the person on the other side of the wave.

"Inara."

_She still looks the same as when we dropped her off at the Training House._

_What did you expect, Mal? It's only been a month._

_Feel a hell of a lot longer than a month._

_And why do you miss her so much?_

_She's part of my crew._

_Jayne's part of your crew too, are you saying you'd miss him that much?_

_That's different._

"I, uh, is this a bad time?"

Mal snaps out of his subconscious debate to realise how he must look to her.

_Since when do you care how you look?_

_I care plenty about how I look!_

_Only in front of Inara._

"No, it's…" he tries to comb his hair into shape, "…good as any. How's your world?"

"Cold. It's autumn here."

Mal's not sure what to make of an Inara who ain't trying to insult him as soon as they start talking.

_And why is she waving me to talk about the weather, of all things?_

"Still at the Training House?"

She nods and smiles, and then looks uneasy.

_Since when does Inara become tongue-tied or nervous in my company? To tell the truth, it's usually the opposite._

_Maybe she misses you as much as you won't admit to missing her._

Inara clears her throat, and he realises that she's stalling.

_She's acting strange._

_She hasn't seen you in a month, Mal._

Mal looks down for a moment, trying to get his conflicting emotions under control.

And he works out how to tell if she's acting weird for a reason.

"So, what occasions the wave?" he asks, scratching his cheek. "Not that to see you ain't…" he racks his mind for something to say.

Her appearance sure ain't helping matters, either. He ain't normally one to notice clothes, but since he met Inara he's paid more attention to them. Well, to her finery anyway.

_Stop staring, you idiot! Say something!_

"…well, you look very fine," he finishes lamely.

"Oh," he can tell she's surprised by his manners, "thank you."

_Something's definitely wrong. She's never accepted a comment like that before without mocking me._

Mal changes the track of conversation to see if he can find out anything about her situation.

"So what was the, uh…"

"Oh. I, uh, guess we're having something of a problem here with the locals. And I thought maybe…"

_Since when is the Guild so incapable of dealing with a few locals that they have to hire an unpredictable captain carrying fugitives on the run?_

"You could use a gun hand," Mal nods.

_It's definitely a trap._

"I'm hoping now. But if you happen to be close at all, you…the crew could take your ease here for a while. And there'd be payment."

Mal bets a pair of his tight pants that it's the Operative who's after River.

_What was it that Shepherd Book said last night?_

"_They'll come at you sideways. It's how they think. It's how they move. Sidle up and smile. Hit you where you're weak."_

_They can't have found a weaker flank to hit me on. I just gotta let Inara know that I got the message._

"Well, it would be, uh…I mean, I'd like to," Mal trips over his words deliberately, like Inara was doing before.

She raises her eyebrows and looks at him oddly.

_She understands. Now what?_

_You could always tell her you miss her. Tell her how you feel!_

"Kaylee's been missing you something fierce."

_Coward!_

_It's the right thing to say._

"I miss her too. I even miss my shuttle, occasionally."

Inara's shuttle. Well it isn't really _her _shuttle anymore, but that's all it'll ever be to him.

They still haven't rented it out, and it's not for a lack of offers, either. And God knows they need the money.

He maintains the reason's that any of the possible new occupants can be undercover Alliance, and that it's best to keep both shuttles free for emergencies.

_You think anyone on _Serenity _actually believes that, Mal?_

_It's the truth!_

_No, it's not. You just keep hoping she'll come back someday. That's why you still haven't let anyone remove the smell of her incense from that shuttle._

Which reminds him.

"Yeah, you left, um…got some of your stuff in a trunk. I never did get a chance to drop-"

"Oh, I didn't, I didn't mean to leave stuff," Inara actually sounds genuinely worried.

_You never wanted to drop off that trunk, Mal. That's why you never told the rest of the crew about it._

_It slipped my mind!_

_If the others knew she'd forgotten something, they would have turned the ship right around and gone straight back to the Training House. And you're scared about facing her again._

_I am not!_

_You're a coward, Malcolm Reynolds._

"I didn't look through the…stuff. I just…" Mal trails off again. Sure, he had a quick peak through her things, but there's no reason for her to know about it.

_I was just seeing if she left anything important behind._

_You were being nosy, and you know it. Also, you wanted to remind yourself of her by smelling that spicy perfume she wears._

He shrugs his shoulders and carries on before something unwanted slips out, "…just sundries I expect."

Inara nods.

_You could always _not _rescue her, you know._

_But she's part of my crew._

_Correction, _was _part of your crew. She left of her own free will. She left you, left _Serenity_, and you were the one who drove her away._

Serenity_'s not that far from the Training House, and I might get to see who the Operative is._

_You're not her knight like the tales from Earth-That-Was, Mal, and she's not your distressed damsel._

_I can't very well leave her to die. It's "not my way."_

Mal realises he's staring again, "So I'll send you a wave, soon as I can."

"Thank you," she nods and smiles.

He reaches out and turns off the monitor.

_Yep._

_She's back in your life now, whether you like it or not._


End file.
